When there are somebody asking me what I am going to be in the future, the answer that I going to give will be " I am doing what I want to be recently". No doubt, after finishing another sememster of my University life in Pharmacy course, I am going to serve the public regarding the medicines. The question is.....It is what I want? Am I qualified enough? Am I mature enough to be a professional?
Previously, when the same question reveal to me, the answer I given must be "I want to be a PILOT." Ya, a pilot, aeroplane driver.......flying in the sky, touch the wind and rainbow, and even feel the sunshine. This was the first future that I want and wish to be since I have thought and thinking. I still remember, during I childhood life, everytime when there have aeroplane fly above the blue sky, cut over my kite, over my house, I am so excited and keep on looking the shadow of the plane... and run try to catch the plane as far as I can untill it disappear in my view. As I desirer it so much, I use paper to built a paper aeroplane (quit big one) and place it on my table and telling myself that " I am going to be a pilot". Yes, I want it, want it so so much...Sound like this past memories such stupid, "u just a little boy, start thinking want to be a pilot!" Oh man, are you serious with this?
No doubt, I really serious, do serious wanna to be a Pilot. Ya, that is what I want, and I will make sure it happen, real to me...I keep on this "dream" till my form five. I still remember that, at that time my teacher want us to fill in our particular for our school magazine. I fill in pilot in my ambition column. After spm, I search a lot of information about pilot, where I going to study, Where I going to work, What are the challenge I going to face, How much I going to spend for the study and training. My parents realise that their son is going to study pilot. Then they start counselling me. They want me quit pilot, saying that "It is too dangerous, so many plane crush annually and you are going to hadle a thousand of people life." Wow, they really want me to stay in earth, touch the ground rather than touch the sky. Evry parent of course want their son get a nice and safe job, no need so busy flying here and there and got excuse for not going home for dinner. But it was my "dream", I mean it.
Things going to change when I am required to join the PLKN. Ya, that three months training made my "dream" not a "dream" anymore. What happen? It is I am so easily influenced by other people when I meet some people? make more friends? explore to more reality of te world? Haha, whatever there are, I know what make my mind changing. In the PLKN camp, I meet a friend who also want to study pilot. He telling me that the first things you must understand and must have is you ability. An ability to handle an urgent situation, to handle the plane and calm down thousand of people in the plane when there have somethings happen in the sun, where nothings you can hold on, nobody you can asking for help as you screan your neighbour when sometings happen. All just yourself... sound like scary to a young boy with 18th years old. From that moment, I look deep into myself and asking myself, "Am I able to do that?" "Am I have such ability?" I know these kind of skill and be learn through training and learning. Umm sound like I can do it...
But.....
I go to search all the things that I going to learn and study if I do really study Pilot. Oh man, all the physic and mathematic things, all about the mechanism of the plane....Come on, I not interest in mechanism at all, so bored. I am lost..... Is that "dream" or just "admire"? I remember everytime I got the physic test, I sure had insonmia. (I also don't know why, no tension, no stress......idiopathic). I pray to God show me the way, help me to make the decision. As I move on my life, I know that pilot is not my "dream" anymore, just like it was a thing I want, no the thing I need. So, after finish matriculation, I choose to be a pharmacist... Hah? Since when pharmacist jumping up in my mind?
The reasons why I choosing pharmacy are very simple.
1. Besides pilot, pharmacist is the only works that I got think of once upon a time.
2. I had a brother with mental retardaed plus seizures, so I want to treat him well with medicine knowledge.
3. I don't want to be a doctor because it going to me five years to study doctor, and I don't like 24 hours oncall.
4. I like chemistry and mathematic more than biology.
5. Support from parent (but they want me to be doctor at the first place)
6. I am not calm and stable enough when handling urgent situation. (This also the reason why I quit pilot.)
7. I hate taking medicines, so hoping study medicines can help me get rid of it. (just like you want to win a war, you must understand your enemy.)
Now I am doing pharmacy and I realise that, YA, thanks God, at least this course did offer somethings that I want. Unfortunately.... I am not sure how long I can remain my interest in the field. The life are always changing, and do for my future. If I am not going to be a pharmacist, what I want to be?? There are certain things in my mind.... maybe I will plan a thousand of apple and become a apple seller? Or a open a restoren? Or become a baker, selling cake in a cake shop? Or perphaps a pastor? There are so much about the future. I am not a good planner, not a good manager, and not a good "dreamer'.
Whatever it is, now I want to be a pharmacist, a good pharmacist (I hope so =))....
Pilot vs. pharmacist; past vs. recent,
pharmacist vs. ??; recent vs. future.
